still wondering

I'm still wondering. If it is, or it isn't.

Sometimes a leopard never changes its spots. So it's pointless to try. But the leopard, under the influence or charm of something else, can always camouflage. Not necessarily does it need to change its spots to blend in; just camouflage. And that something or someone, has to have the confidence and power to be able to encourage the leopard to camouflage.

I would like to. If I had the guts. But I only have pride. Too much that cannot withstand quite a lot of things.

I'm unsure, I'm uncertain, and I wish someone would give me a sign that it was true, and what I'm wondering is right. Then I would know what to do.

Sometimes fear leads to regrets. Sometimes fear leads to uncertainty. But sometimes fear can also be legitimate. But fear can also lead to regrets.

Fuck pride.

Fuck fear.

As if I would go ahead, anyway. I shall only wonder and remain uncertain and passive.

Fuck it. Fuck pride. Fuck fear.

And now it seems like it's going to rain.

"All the things I want to say

but I can't

All the things I want to do

but I won't

Hold me tight

Not too tight

I'm in knots and you tie me in bows

I feel pretty

I know that you care

You're so sweet

You're so so sweet"

- I Can't Make Me by Butterfly Boucher