following the lesbian heart

It's funny how, when we were little, we used to think that the only thing to being happy was to have the latest toys or to have playmates. The only things we worried about were if our playmates decided they didn't want to be friends with us, and if our parents got annoyed and left us alone.

Our world then was so small, so innocent.

Things have changed now. Why I started thinking about this was because someone asked me about my sexual orientation, and how it would make others unhappy.

The world now isn't quite as innocent as before. There are dangers out there, decisions to be made that will affect our lives forever. Our path towards happiness isn't very straight forward, and we have to forage through many things just to get to our so called happiness.

If it really is that difficult, then why do we still go through it all, just to reach our happiness?

I've tried, in the past, to make others happy. But i realised that in doing so, i made myself so unhappy that i hurt others, others hurt me, i hurt myself. I've grown up since then, thought about a lot of things, and realised that if I carried on being an altruist, making others happy, I would never find my own happiness. Then it would be rather like a bloodsucker, living off others' happiness. There is no point, not if I have to make others happy before I'm happy.

I am gay. I am a lesbian. I am a homosexual. And that cannot change. I accepted myself this way a long time ago, and I would not change a single thing, even if you gave me the choice.

The thing is this. It is hardest for the person involved in this, to accept herself. But I have, and there cannot be anything harder than that.

Believe me, I have tried once to make others happy, but it made me so unhappy, and even more warped. I don't want to be unhappy. I am responsible for my own happiness.

Because it is so difficult for people to accept same-sex relationships, when we do love, all the more we love acceptingly, wholeheartedly, understandingly, and we treasure the love even more. We understand how difficult this love can be. We know the meaning of love. And when we love, this love we have, is empowering, and more beautiful than it can ever be. That is not to say that people in heterosexual relationships do not understand the concept of love; they do, too. But so do we, especially for those who think it's just a phase we grow out of, and who make nothing out of this love they think isn't real.

So what I'm saying is this. Follow your heart. Let it lead you to your happiness. I followed my heart, and it led me to the girl that I grew to love. And though it ultimately caused me so much heartache, it was all worth it.

Follow your heart, let your heart decide what it wants. You will ultimately be happy. And your happiness is your own responsibility, so don't let others decide for you.

I have followed my heart, and it has led me to nicer things that I never knew about.

I have followed my heart, and it is leading me towards my own happiness.

I am a lesbian. And I wouldn't trade the world for anything else. Women are beautiful, both inside and out, and I'm sure you and I both appreciate that fact. I am a lesbian. So what?

I have followed my heart; I have followed my happiness.

I followed my heart.

What about you?