scrambled mind
mood: confused
music: One Tree Hill
dear diary,
what do i want out of this life? what do i want out of the things that i do, the life that i'm living? what do i want out of all these talk and actions? what in this motherfucking life do i want out of it?
u see, dear diary, i dun really know what i wanna do. i go to school, yet to me school is a waste of time. i go for lessons, but to me lessons r crap cos anyway i drift off in my own world. i try to earn money, but i earn so little and waste a lot of time. i try to make friends but im just so fed up with all the fakeness that accompanies it. i can hardly find a friend who isn't fake. cos if they aren't fake, everyone thinks its attitude, ain't it.
i wanna study, yet i don't want to. i wanna stay in hall and study, but my roomie's a constant source of distraction. and its irritating, not to mention stressful, having to deal with her everyday lamenting of how i don't get out and meet new ppl in hall often enough, then hear her boast about her conquests in hall and how she's so wanted and stuff. and hear her subtle sarcastic comments about me. tts enough for me to want to get out every night even if i'd rather stay in and studyy. which i desperately need to. i tink i need a change of roommate.
so what do i do? i go out, go club, and get drunk. get roaring inebriated. until the world spins and i smell so much like ciggarette smoke and alcohol tt i wanna quit smoking for life. but tt only lasts the most a day. i go out with other friends not in school and go karoake singing, club, and all these always somehow involve alcohol. of which at times i won't get drunk. but i've noticed tt lately in a span of a 9 days i have somehow managed to get drunk 4 times. and out of these 4, 2 times i was really gone. such tt my hangover lasts the whole day till the night. i am so screwed up. ive noticed tt while im drinking, its like i just wanna forget myself. like i just wanna feel the floating, spinning feeling that lets me know i don't have to bother or care about anything anymore.
i lead such a screwed up life. of course i know tt i wanna study well. but beyond tt, what else do i want? i need a girl. i think. i don't know what i want.
thought of the day: what do i really want?
music: One Tree Hill
dear diary,
what do i want out of this life? what do i want out of the things that i do, the life that i'm living? what do i want out of all these talk and actions? what in this motherfucking life do i want out of it?
u see, dear diary, i dun really know what i wanna do. i go to school, yet to me school is a waste of time. i go for lessons, but to me lessons r crap cos anyway i drift off in my own world. i try to earn money, but i earn so little and waste a lot of time. i try to make friends but im just so fed up with all the fakeness that accompanies it. i can hardly find a friend who isn't fake. cos if they aren't fake, everyone thinks its attitude, ain't it.
i wanna study, yet i don't want to. i wanna stay in hall and study, but my roomie's a constant source of distraction. and its irritating, not to mention stressful, having to deal with her everyday lamenting of how i don't get out and meet new ppl in hall often enough, then hear her boast about her conquests in hall and how she's so wanted and stuff. and hear her subtle sarcastic comments about me. tts enough for me to want to get out every night even if i'd rather stay in and studyy. which i desperately need to. i tink i need a change of roommate.
so what do i do? i go out, go club, and get drunk. get roaring inebriated. until the world spins and i smell so much like ciggarette smoke and alcohol tt i wanna quit smoking for life. but tt only lasts the most a day. i go out with other friends not in school and go karoake singing, club, and all these always somehow involve alcohol. of which at times i won't get drunk. but i've noticed tt lately in a span of a 9 days i have somehow managed to get drunk 4 times. and out of these 4, 2 times i was really gone. such tt my hangover lasts the whole day till the night. i am so screwed up. ive noticed tt while im drinking, its like i just wanna forget myself. like i just wanna feel the floating, spinning feeling that lets me know i don't have to bother or care about anything anymore.
i lead such a screwed up life. of course i know tt i wanna study well. but beyond tt, what else do i want? i need a girl. i think. i don't know what i want.
thought of the day: what do i really want?
posted by slantedvision at 5:56 PM
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