mood: shitty

music: It's Everyone's Fault But Mine - Straylight Run

i just heard a song that describes what i'm feeling now. how real. it speaks of how one falls in love with someone she only sees on the street, but of which she doesn't know shit about her. so she believes what she wants to believe in her. i always do that, i don't know why. i always fall in love with the ones i don't know, or whom i know only for a while. or the unreachables. i don't so much as make up stuff that i wanna believe in them, rather i just wish they know how i feel and reciprocate. of course, it doesn't work tt way. if it does, i think everyone would be happily in love. but its just so real and true, isn't it. everyone has surely gone through tt at least once. i've fallen in love with this girl i only saw a few times. of course, she doesn't know about me, but still, yea well. that's how the story goes. on hindsight, i guess it isn't so much of love as it is of like, maybe infatuation or adoration? however i also understand tt his kind of falling in love doesn't work. so well. its just one of my fantasies i guess.

so i think of what it'll be like to hold her hand, to cup her face in my hands, to run my fingers through her hair, to love her. sometimes i think, if only all these would come true. or at least, if only i could find someone who loves like i do. but i don't think its tt easy, u know. not as if u could just click ur heels 3 times, blurt out ur wish like Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz, and voila, ur wish comes true. but, if only.

i want to just tell her that i like her, i want her to maybe reciprocate,if not, at least know that someone does admire her. i don't go to such extensive lengths like stalking her, capturing her on camera, and whatever other stuff stalkers do. i just keep it in me, and hold this lovely thought to my heart for a while. because i know myself, and i know in a matter of weeks i will fall for someone else. or, i will forget about her.

but for now, i just wanna hold this thought close to my heart. that i like her. silly, it seems, but well, i guess, like what is said, everyone has to create fantasies or illusions to get through the day. because everyone knows that reality is painful. if u dun create illusions, how will u get through ur life? unless ur one of the very priveleged who gets every thing u wish for, i guess everyone will have created at leats 1 illusion per day to get through reality. be it dreaming of a loved one, be it pining for someone u love but who doesn't love u, be it dreaming u had kids or tt ur kids would do well, well, everyone creates fantasies. and so i do, too. don't say it isn't normal, bc i bet u have created fantasies, too, haven't u?

thought of the day: will it really come true all the time?