i don't want to..

I try my best not to.
But I just cannot help but wonder, sometimes.

It is hard, mostly, because I just accept you.
Because I accept you the way you are, and everything you bring along with you.
All of your flaws, all of your baggage, all of your beauty, all of your loveliness.
All of you.

I understand why you told me what you had to.
Because you needed to know.

What I don't understand, is why you don't understand that I just love you. And no matter how, when, at what time, where, and no matter what you've been through, I just still love you.

All the little small things, all the larger things that I've done, could you not see? I know you want reassurance. But the fact that I am here, the fact that I am impractical, the fact that I can do so much for you. Doesn't that just show, more than enough, how much I love you.

That's why, sometimes, no matter how I try not to, I cannot help but wonder. I cannot help but doubt.

Do you speak the truth? Do you tell me everything, without keeping anything from me?

I don't know. But I try not to let it show. I try not to doubt.

Because I don't want to.

Why, when I give of all of myself to you, did you want to do that? Did you just want me to doubt? Or to love you any lesser? You know that couldn't happen. I couldn't love you any lesser.

But, maybe it just led me to doubt. I don't know, now, whether or not you tell me everything. Whether or not you tell me the truth.

It's not a nice feeling, to have to feel this way. No one said it would be easy. I understand that. But no one said it would be this hard. I know, now.

I just want to love you, pure and simple.
I just love you the way you are, can you see that?
No matter how you were, no matter how you are now.

Just the way you are. I love you.

Maybe, because I just accept you as you are, it is this hard.

I don't want to doubt. Fuck.

I just love you. I still do.
I always will.

Always, S.

Remember?


By the way you brought me here,
it makes me believe the best is still yet to come
and I don't want to leave.
Forgive my hesitation- oh, but I'm learning to trust in you.
Help me to dream these dreams because I don't have a clue.
If you'd be honest and say what you mean
you know I would promise I'd do anything
because I know that without you I'm giving it away.