so heavy

So heavy. It's so heavy.

Sometimes, when I don't know what else I should do, I slip away. I fall away for a while. I try to clear my mind. I close my eyes. I dream. I hope. I think. I cry. I dream. I hope.

And I call out your name. I call out to you.

It's so heavy. The weight on my chest is suffocating. There's a deep gnawing ache somewhere inside. I try to take it all away. I call out your name.

Won't you help me? Won't you come to me? Won't you stay awhile and be with me? Won't you forget about the world and just lie with me?

Remember all those times where you would just be with me, sit with me, hold my hand? Just being with me, in heart and soul, even if not in presence? Won't you repeat that once again?

Just close your eyes, forget about the world. Just be with me. Come and sit with me. Hold my hand. Let me know that you are here.

I don't know what I should do. I slip away, I'm losing grip. Won't you take my hand and tell me that everything will be alright? Won't you strengthen the grip that I'm losing?

I have so many things that I want to tell you. The secret box in me is getting heavy, it's getting heavier and I want you to share the load with me. I told you that it would be okay to fall, I told you that I would catch you. And I will. I take on me whatever burden you carry. But won't you share this load with me? Won't you lighten the weight that's so heavy on my chest?

I just want to run to you.

What is it about pushing the whole world away, when all I want is for you to be there? To be there. Don't you know that in every strong person is a heart with many layers? A heart that is onion-like, that, once you peel off the layers little by little, you reach the soft parts, the inner most layers, and it is there that the seemingly independent strength disappears. What that is left is the inner most layer, the softest part of any heart, the part that needs the most tender, loving care.

The part that can bring tears to any strong person.

You managed to peel off the strong layers of my heart; and I let you. I let you in. Now the inner most layer of my heart is exposed, it's exposed to you. Won't you just be there for me? Will you be with me? Will you take care of this heart that is now all yours?

Will you take care of this heart that only belongs to you and no one else?

It can only be you. I can love no one else this much. I can only do nothing but love you more than anyone that has ever loved you. I can only do nothing but to love you more than I have ever loved anyone before.

No one but you.

I need you...

Just you. Be with me.
Only you.