and still

After all the conversations
There is still not much.

A desire to fix things
Normally includes actions

A desire to want to make things better
But there is nothing much.

Nothing to lessen the doubts
Nothing to diminish the uncertainty
Nothing to make the insecurity much lesser
It is difficult just getting a text from her.

When there is doubt, when there is uncertainty
When there is insecurity
When it is at a most fragile time like this
There still is a sense of not bothering
Not bothering to make the first move
Not caring, forgetting that she has someone
Even at a time like this.
And passiveness, still passiveness.

A desire to want to fix things
It makes me glad.
But to see the desire not translated into actions
Hurts.

The truth is...
I'm afraid.
I'm so afraid.
Afraid that she might do something like this again.
Afraid that she might still continue whatever was going on.
This was never factored in as a problem before.
But now, now, with this factor included
I'm afraid. I'm scared.
And I'm uncertain.
Uncertain as to the amount of love,
Uncertain because her actions makes me think there is a lack of that.
Insecure.
Insecure because I'm afraid.
Doubtful, because I don't know what to say or do.

Up till now, there still as trust.
There still is this trust.
But what happened, happened.
And with it came fears, insecurities, uncertainties, doubt,
And the trust diminished.

Yet, the trust is still there.
The love never lessened.
I love her with the same amount of intensity I did before.
I love her the same.
Maybe that's why--

Because I still love her as much as I did before,
It hurts so bad, and it saddens me so.

Fix it.
I know you can.
Fix it.
I'll help in anyway I can.
Just fix it.
Because I still know that it's you and me.

Fix me now.