screwed.

so screwed.
oh my gosh i am so fucked.

i am scared, paranoid, afraid, paranoid.
half the time i can try not to think about it
only to think about it again and get scared

i am so fucking screwed.
i don't know if i can..

i hope with everything i have that i can
i really have to, i really want to, i must

i cannot give up
even though i am so fucking scared
even though the odds could be against me
even though sometimes no matter what i do in the end, the choice is not up to me

but i must
i have to

I WILL.

oh my gosh i am so fucking screwed.
fuck i am so screwed.
its scaring the shit out of me
because it could be real
but it will not
i said,
it will not!!

fuck.

i will.