teetering

Teetering on the brink, arms flailing, trying to keep my balance. trying to keep my peace.

Something small and simple turns out to be something complicated. I have done so many wrongs in my life, the only way i can right them is to take responsibility and try to undo the damage. But sometimes, no matter what people do, there is still resentment.

All that i could do, i've done. Why must you still push me to the end? Why must you keep bringing up things that you don't like me to say? I really didn't mean it.

Why do you keep spiteing me on purpose? i know i was wrong, ive done all i could, there's nothing you or i could do further. Why do you still see the weakness in me, and use it to hurt me? Why do you, once and again, keep hurting me on purpose because you want me to feel it, because you want me to know how much it annoys you or angers you? Don't you know that i know how you feel, which leads to my atonement? Why do you get so very angry, and then transfer your anger on me, saying things that you know will hurt, that you know are spiteful? Did you think i couldn't feel all that? even without your anger i can already feel the weight of what i did.

So why? You're supposed to be the one who loves me, the one i love. My love for you is so overpowering that no matter what you do, i could never spite you back on purpose, hurt you on purpose. But everytime you spite me, hurt me on purpose, its like a knife so much sharper than any other knife, only because i love you so. Please stop, please. I want to last for a very long time with you, if possible, so please, stop. Do you want to see me get down on my knees before you stop? Can't you see the pain it brings to me, and to you?

It doesn't have to hurt like that. I'm sorry. And you know, no matter what you do, i could never love you any less.