back for thoughts and texts

 

It is so much easier to write here than on tumblr. Especially when these words need effort and thoughts.

What do you feel about executing revenge? I don't believe in executing revenge. Yes, to people whom I don't care for, maybe I would. Maybe. 

But for the person I love?
Never.

Today, she made her point by taking revenge on me. It was an act of vengeance, of pure wanting to get back at me and make me see. She failed to take in the circumstances. She failed to think about the countless times she has done the same thing to me for 28 months, and how I did not really make a big fuss about it.

She failed to think about a great deal of things.

All because she had only one thing on her mind - revenge.

She didn't think to see that we had grown. She didn't think to see that we matured. She didn't think to see that when I had to do what I did, it was on the spot. It was not a "oh, you did that to me, and I am going to do it back to you, just you wait. I have plans, and I am not going to tell you, oh no sirree, even though I know you might know, I will just continue playing dumb and pretend that I have no plans". 

When I did what I did, it was not of that mindset. It was an on the spot thing. 

Yet today, I gave her a chance. I had this inkling of a thought that she might do this, that she might have something up her sleeve. So I waited. And I waited. 

And I waited for her to tell me. 

I gave her so many openings, so many hints. She took neither. She simply was blinded by her act of wanting to get back at me, get her point across, take revenge, and win.

I don't understand how, if you claim to love someone, you would execute revenge on that person.

I don't understand how, if you claim to love someone, you don't let it go, but you keep it in your heart and just wait, and wait, for the right moment to come so you can plan your revenge. 

I don't understand how, if you claim to love someone, you might want to push your point across, but by using this drastic method? No way.

Love is not revenge. Were love revenge, the world would be a dark place to live in. 

I never thought there would come a day in this relationships when she would take revenge on me. I don't take revenge on her, and I have never believed in taking revenge on her, because I love her. I never thought she had it in her to do it.

Funny how, when I first asked her about it, she outrightly admitted that it was to get back at me. Upon realising that I was truly pissed, she changed her statement. For what? You already said it, it's already out there, and even horses couldn't chase your words back.

Oh, you could say it seven ways from Sunday, you could say it till the cows come home, but ultimately, all you wanted was revenge.

Is your love revenge? By loving me, do you mean taking revenge on me?

Never, in 28 months or more, have I ever taken revenge on you. I love you. I don't show you my love by taking revenge on you.


People may have said that I love you more than you love me. I choose to turn a blind eye, a deaf ear, a hardened heart. 


Then you take it all and throw it away by doing this. I love you more? 


I don't know.


Sometimes I just wish that you could wish for me, when you wish and dream. 


I would like your world to revolve around me and you, but I know your world revolves around much more than that, and I don't blame you.


But showing me how you love me by executing revenge on me? That's not love. That is hurtful.


And you should have known that it would hurt.


I am not made from iron.


When you want to run to someone, when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you want to do stuff that others won't do with you, you look to me. You run to me.


Then you gather all that you took from me and throw it back in my face.


If this is love, I don't want to think of the antonym of love.