force of habit
By force of habit, I am attempting to update this blog.
But because I had a change of laptop, and now this thing refuses to upload my icon as I usually do on the left side of my blog before I write anything.
It is a force of habit that I usually do this icon thing before writing.
But even the most concrete of things do change, and all we need is to adapt. All we need is change, and all we have is to adapt.
My woman is here now, living in the same country with me (finally!), and she is now working. What we have been planning for the past 2 years is now coming true -- she is here to live in the same country with me, and in a month and a half or so, we will hopefully be able to move in together, provided we can find a place to rent and the family of mine does not kick me out beforehand.
That sounds wrong. I meant to say that for a traditional family like mine, moving out to live on my own before marriage is taboo. It's a no-no. It's a no-way-i-will-stop-all-communication-with-you-and-disown-you kinda taboo. I have no idea why, but it has got something to do with face and reputation and embarassment or something. I sure don't get it, because to me, moving out and living on my own is a test of my independence and if anything, it tends to make one more filial (slightly more).
But to the warped parents that I live with, for some reason they equate filial piety with money. I am not kidding. I tentatively bring up moving out to live on my own, and immediately what occurs is the mother telling me that they should not have paid for my education if they had known i was going to move out. so naturally, i assume they take filial piety to be about money. how's that? that's just warped. so if it's just in terms of money, i'll just pay them back? even if it takes my whole life? that's all there is to it? money? that's just warped, babe. that's just so warped. it's no wonder i want to move out. They think if i move out, it's to live with a guy and get pregnant. unfortunately, that is not going to happen to me. SO not. so thereefore, what other reason do they have to stop me?
I know it will be tough when I move out. My woman and I, we plan to get a place and live together by September. So come September, when I move out, it can either go both ways. I speak to them nicely about it, they try to dissuade me, then when i explain and reassure them and tell them i am likely to be more filial when i live on my own, and they allow it, albeit a tad bit sadly, or I speak to them about it, and it turns hostile and they threaten to take away the stuff they have given me, threaten to disown me, demand all their money back or whatever. Then I just leave the house and never ever return. It goes both ways. One of my guy friends and I have actually even planned it - if they do not allow me, I will sneak out in the dead of the night with my stuff and never ever return. See, that's how extreme it can go.
But you see, your happiness is your own. And if you ignore your own happiness, your ignore your life. And when life is ignored, it turns your world upside down.
Right now I am happy that my woman is here with me, and I get to see her everyday. Making love is difficult for I can't enter the place she rents since she lives with a family friend who should not know of my existence. So when we get little tiny chances to be together, we make love with a passion that we have always had. We make love with an urgency born of love and passion and lust, and then we make love again slowly, patiently, lovingly. what little privacy we can snatch together, we embrace it.
But I am not entirely happy, because once I come back to the place I live with the family, I get mad, I get annoyed, I get pissed off. So this is something I have to do for myself -- I have to leave and get a place of my own with my woman and live with her independently.
That is when I will be truly happy -- with my woman and our life together, without having to live with the family.
Oh, how I can't wait for that.
But because I had a change of laptop, and now this thing refuses to upload my icon as I usually do on the left side of my blog before I write anything.
It is a force of habit that I usually do this icon thing before writing.
But even the most concrete of things do change, and all we need is to adapt. All we need is change, and all we have is to adapt.
My woman is here now, living in the same country with me (finally!), and she is now working. What we have been planning for the past 2 years is now coming true -- she is here to live in the same country with me, and in a month and a half or so, we will hopefully be able to move in together, provided we can find a place to rent and the family of mine does not kick me out beforehand.
That sounds wrong. I meant to say that for a traditional family like mine, moving out to live on my own before marriage is taboo. It's a no-no. It's a no-way-i-will-stop-all-communication-with-you-and-disown-you kinda taboo. I have no idea why, but it has got something to do with face and reputation and embarassment or something. I sure don't get it, because to me, moving out and living on my own is a test of my independence and if anything, it tends to make one more filial (slightly more).
But to the warped parents that I live with, for some reason they equate filial piety with money. I am not kidding. I tentatively bring up moving out to live on my own, and immediately what occurs is the mother telling me that they should not have paid for my education if they had known i was going to move out. so naturally, i assume they take filial piety to be about money. how's that? that's just warped. so if it's just in terms of money, i'll just pay them back? even if it takes my whole life? that's all there is to it? money? that's just warped, babe. that's just so warped. it's no wonder i want to move out. They think if i move out, it's to live with a guy and get pregnant. unfortunately, that is not going to happen to me. SO not. so thereefore, what other reason do they have to stop me?
I know it will be tough when I move out. My woman and I, we plan to get a place and live together by September. So come September, when I move out, it can either go both ways. I speak to them nicely about it, they try to dissuade me, then when i explain and reassure them and tell them i am likely to be more filial when i live on my own, and they allow it, albeit a tad bit sadly, or I speak to them about it, and it turns hostile and they threaten to take away the stuff they have given me, threaten to disown me, demand all their money back or whatever. Then I just leave the house and never ever return. It goes both ways. One of my guy friends and I have actually even planned it - if they do not allow me, I will sneak out in the dead of the night with my stuff and never ever return. See, that's how extreme it can go.
But you see, your happiness is your own. And if you ignore your own happiness, your ignore your life. And when life is ignored, it turns your world upside down.
Right now I am happy that my woman is here with me, and I get to see her everyday. Making love is difficult for I can't enter the place she rents since she lives with a family friend who should not know of my existence. So when we get little tiny chances to be together, we make love with a passion that we have always had. We make love with an urgency born of love and passion and lust, and then we make love again slowly, patiently, lovingly. what little privacy we can snatch together, we embrace it.
But I am not entirely happy, because once I come back to the place I live with the family, I get mad, I get annoyed, I get pissed off. So this is something I have to do for myself -- I have to leave and get a place of my own with my woman and live with her independently.
That is when I will be truly happy -- with my woman and our life together, without having to live with the family.
Oh, how I can't wait for that.
posted by slantedvision at 2:01 PM
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