baggages

All of us carry emotional baggages. But how much before it gets too much?

I carry the weight of so many things on me. It can't be unloaded, because i refuse to tell. I cry far too easily.

Why is it that when, after so long, I feel that I need someone, I will always need the other person far more than she needs me?

I would like it if I could talk to her. But lately i can't talk to her. If she isn't busy, she's ill, if not she's recovering. and i keep thinking that there're other things she would rather do than to listen to me. She needs to recover, and she's busy, and so I don't want to disturb her.

Is it because all of a sudden there's this vulnerable side of me showing that leads to her disappearing? is it because suddenly i feel as if i'm fragile, so she backs away? I wanted to say something yesterday, but i guess because she wasn't feeling too good and maybe a lot of others, she just said she wanted peace. I didn't mind that, but it was as if suddenly i realised that I couldn't talk to her. At least not then. Then it started to hurt, because the someone i wanted to confide into didn't want to, and wouldn't listen.

I want to talk to her because I feel she's the only one who wouldn't judge me, she's the one whom I feel will be with me throughout, who will support and stand by me. But she doesn't want to listen, at least not yet, until she recovers. I don't mind about that, but I don't want this neglecting thing to come up.

However, i also know that it takes time for her to recover and all, so i guess i will wait. Hopefully all these will go away by then, because I don't know how long i can carry on putting on facades for the world.

But well, good things will come to those who wait. So, i guess its all for a good cause. Maybe this emotional baggage that I carry around will be unloaded, by itself, in one way or another.