a lot to be said.

Just had a wisdom tooth surgery to remove my lower right wisdom tooth. Now its swelling and hurting like hell. And its hindering me from eating, opening my mouth, etc. I felt like a house under construction when I was undergoing the surgery. haha. Oh, and my mom and I, we quarrelled with this bloody old man in a Kangoo van. He was bloody hell unreasonable. Who the hell drives right to the end of the parking area, only to reverse all the way back when u see a free lot? There are cars behind you, stupid fool. As long as you've gone right on to the end of the whole parking area, dun reverse all the way back, try and knock into our car, and say its ur lot, or worse try and bully and scare 2 women in the car into giving u the lot. Too bad, but no way, jose. I didn't have any qualms in raising both my hands up to show him exactly how stupid I thought he was. And that was about it.

On another note, I was thinking about vulnerabilities this morning. I think everyone has certain vulnerable qualities in them. Even the most hardened man, the most seasoned cruel criminal has vulnerabilities. Vulnerabilities are part and parcel of life, of us. Sometimes, vulnerablilties can bring u down, but that doesnt mean that anyone can just lock on to ur insecurities and target it. And it does not mean that vulnerabilities will always bring you down. Although everyone has vulnerabilities, and at first glance u feel as if their vulnerabilities will cause their downfall, but I believe that none of them will fall.

So i got to thinking about my own vulnerabilities. I'm vulnerable when it comes to friends' betrayal, when it comes to things that are impt to me, when it comes to family, when it comes to pressure at having to succeed in smth because the whole extended family pins their hopes on you. I'm vulnerable when it comes to a relationship that I've invested a lot in, that I have changed for, that I am in because i want to, because my love for the person is empowering. So I guess I have a wide range of insecurities, eh?

I know the girlfriend is scared when I'm vulnerable, because she thinks that I heap too much expectations on her that she can't cope with and can't fulfill. But i have already made it clear from the beginning that I dun heap any expectations on her, only the basic one where girlfriends are treated like girlfriends. She does that, so I have no other expectations on her. I have never wanted to heap expectations on her only to make her think she can't fulfill it, because that isn't what I want for her. She doesn't have to halp me overcome my vulnerabilites, or fulfill whatever she thinks I put on her, because the only thing I want is someone who will support me in everything, whom I know will always be there, listen to me and comfort me, when it comes to my insecurities and vulnerabilities. As for expectations, no.

I also happen to know that the girlfriend is scared in certain ways about certain stuff that I think and/or do. But the only thing I have already told her is that I will tell her if there is anything, so if i don't, there's no cause for concern. I know because of how i was last time, keeping things to myself and not telling her until its too late, that she will now start thinking too much or whatever that may be. However, that has already been changing from a long time ago, so it will be alright.

On another note, school's starting and i'm experiencing a multitude of different emotions. On one hand, I would like school to start because this time my very good friend has the same timetable with me. And, not forgetting that I'm already bored out of my mind with nothing to do at home and outside. There are only so many places u can go to in Singapore, esp if u've grown up here all your life. After 5 months, its starting to get dreary and boring. So in that sense, I want my 2nd yr, 1st sem to start soon.

But. I dun wan school to start cos i kinda like my "anything goes" life now, where I do what i want as and when i want it, without anth forward planning. Without any consequences, or having to think if this is due, if i will get into trouble for gg to sch or not. And i dun wanna wake up at an ungodly hour just to be in school at 830am for some crap tutorial. Speaking of which, I also know that when school starts, I have this feeling i will not be in school very often. As per last time. Hardly surprising, eh? Haha. At the same time, when sch starts, I'm gonna see how the girlfriend's timetable goes and try and wk mine to hers or vice versa. I want to spend the amount of time with her that she is comfortable with, whatever it is that she wants, because i know she is worried that I won't have time for her.

So, when it comes to 2nd year starting, I really have conflicting emotions, as u can see. Haha. Oh, and I wanna get the Jeanette Winterson novel. Too bad they fon't sell it here, i think. Gotta ship over. And, the AE orders, i hope they're shipped to my friend's place soon, because I've a number of items in there! And Birks, I wanna order soon. Sigh.

And that's all, for now, at least. My mouth is hurting from the surgery.