sleep

I experienced it again last night. Sleep paralysis. I know i have sleep paralysis, i found out about it last month when i happened to read a book where the protagonist had the same symptoms as me. Sleep paralysis -- an inability to perform voluntary movements at sleep onset or upon awakening, or in a dream. Which essentially means you are paralysed, bodily wise, although your mind is clear.

For me, i experience it when i'm about to awake, and when i'm in a dream.It's the feeling of helplessness. I know i'm dreaming, i know i want to wake up, but i can't. So it seems as if there's someone holding me down, at times suffocating me. Then my arms and legs will start to tingle as if there're pins and needles. And i have to exert a certain amount of force and determination before i can jerk myself awake. At times, when its particularly bad, I feel as if i can't breathe because im panicking and i want to wake up.

Luckily, however, i only experience it about once a month. I realise that when im particularly tired or stressed, i tend to get sleep paralysis. However, there are times where I'm not tired or stressed, yet i still get it. It's minor, though, so i don't really bother about it.

On another note, yesterday was a lovely day. Cliched but true. Spent it with the girlfriend, just had some food and then went over to her place to talk and cuddle and kiss. I love spending time with her, and i love being with her. It makes me feel happy and wanted and loved. I was touched, yesterday, by the effort she put in to make me some mashed potato to wat. I felt very very lucky and very very loved. And i know that everything i've been doing for her, changing and all, its worth it, because there is no lack of love lost between us. I lover her so much, to bits, and so does she, and I can see it. I hope there wouldn't be another time where she leaves me, because I want to stay with ther for a long time to come. Until we grow old, if it is possible.

For everything you've done and everything that you are, thank you. :)

My darling lazy gross smelly mini sleepy cute pineapple piglet.