assignment for the day

my baby and i talked last night.

today, i have a new assignment.

it all started when we were talking last night. it started with two seemingly insignificant words tossed around like it was nothing. that led to a spark of temper being ignited. which led to spiteful words being said. that led to an issue of trust (even if, to me, it was never about trust to begin with?!?). which in turn led to very hurting words meant to hurt the other party. that led to a flare of emotions. a lot of emotions. the ending result was the issue of trust. (which, i must reiterate again, it was never about, to me.)

however, somehow we got sidetracked by something i said, and we moved on to talk about the issue of being on one's mind and thought 24 hours a day, every minute, every second.

so i gave her several scenarios, for which she had to answer me how or what she would be able to think of (with regards to me, duh!?) while in that scenario. so i gave her scenarios like arguing with her parents, or during classtime, while watching tv, while reading a book, while playing games on her PS2 or on her computer, while sleeping. even the most absurd scenarios like, i don't know, perhaps while she's taking her examinations.

the thing that surprised me was, with every scenario i gave her, she was able to give me an answer. and a very honest, real, truthful answer at that. that surprised me. in fact, it stunned me such that for a few seconds i thought she could read my mind. because for every scenario that she answered, i do the same. that means that like her, in every scenario that i've given her, i personally think of her as well.

then i realised that my girl is actually one sneaky girl. she pretends that she isn't that way. she pretends that i'm the only idiot who thinks of her all the time (because i tell her what i think of and what i'm doing when i think of her) and she doesn't think of me all that often. so when i tell her that i thought of her while doing something somewhere, she has that "oh, it's so shweeeet that you think of me while doing that... (but too bad i don't think of you while doing that hahahaha)" kinda tone. when actually, actually, that girl of mine does think the same way too. she just doesn't say it out.

she just doesn't say it out to me. because to her, saying all that out connotes something that isn't very much to her liking. (which, out of respecting her, i am not writing it down either, but that does not mean i don't know what it connotes!) so she doesn't say it out to me or anyone else.

but last night, after talking to her, i came to have a new assignment. my new assignment is to stop doubting that i am on her mind everyday, 24 hours a day, every minute. (okay, maybe every hour.) because i am. i am on her mind. it's just that she's sneaky about it.

so as of today, i am to stop doubting her. i am to stop telling her "i'm sure" with everything that she says. i am to start remembering and realising that she is always, always with me. and i am to always know that she loves me. a lot. (that, i know. but sometimes when i get insecure, i doubt. and that is what i must stop.) and i know that she has changed for the better, that she is braver, and of course, very very in love with me.

that is my new assignment. of which, by the end of this post, i should have completed 95% of it.

i think i will get an A+ for my assignment. whatchathink, baby??