walk the thoughts

walking home awhile ago, i thought about a great many things.

and i realised that i am happy now.

i wonder if you know how important that is to me -- i haven't been truly happy in a long time. but i am now. truly, wholly, completely happy. it's a 180 degrees change from the person i used to be a year ago. i am happy now, completely.

i did it. i worked so hard and studied like fuck, and i did it. i made it. i did so well that it was so unexpected. i did so well that i proved everyone who thought that i couldn't do it wrong. i did so well that i think i surpassed even the people who attended every single class and had the full class participation percentage in their final grade. i did so well that my gpa for this sem was the best i ever had in 3 years of university. i did it. and i am happy.

she stood by me each time i thought i couldn't do it. she stayed by me each time i felt like giving up. (and trust me, those times were frequent and almost all the time). she stood by me through all my grumpy grouchy moods and bad stressful moods. she stood by me, and believed in me through it all.

walking home today, i realised that i am wholly happy. why --

because i have her. because i did it -- i am graduating this july. because i now have a part-time job and i am earning my own keep and i like what i do. because i am working towards going over to be with her for 2 months. because this time, with my own hard-earned money, no one can stop me from going anywhere. i am not under anyone's control when it comes to going anywhere because i am earning my own money. because i have her.

when i was waiting soooo anxiously for my results to be released 2 nights ago, she waited with me. i am so grateful for that. the normal her would be the sleeping her, where she would be snoring gently, curled up on her bed, tucked up tight beneath her comforter, sleeping soundly. but she stayed up and waited with me. so she was with me when i got my results back. she shared in my joy, my happiness, my everything when i got my results back.

and it felt like how it should always be. that we fit perfectly, that we were each other's life partner, that we were the last fitting piece of her puzzle, and mine. it felt so natural. it felt so real. it felt happy.

she is changing, and i see it. she doesn't run away, and she doesn't give up so easily anymore. she is changing, and i see it.

she is that piece that completes my puzzle, and i am that piece that completes her puzzle. together, we form the puzzle of completeness.

i am happy. because of everything, and because of her.