thoughts or not

New day, new thoughts?

So, we argued last night. She didn't think she was at fault, I didn't think I was at fault. Where I would have otherwise given in usually, I didn't want to last night, because I felt like I really wanted to get her to understand, but she didn't want to understand me. So I didn't want to understand her. Yes, it is that confusing and that stupid.

I guess I didn't give in last night because I was already frustrated and pushed to the brink. I usually would have given in, I know I would. But well, it's hard to always give in when she just goes off for more than a week, is exceedingly rude and acting as if she doesn't have to do anything in this relationship, I can just do it all, and I just was pushed to the brink. It isn't that I do not understand her position, in fact, I more than do, because I know how she is like. But still, I don't understand how, when she has time in between, she chooses to do other stuff rather than reassure her girlfriend that she is there.

We kinda settled things a little last night before she fell asleep. She promised to be better and take the initiative more, and I said I would not argue with her as much. So, I should be thinking -- new day, new thoughts?

Well, I thought that it should start out as just texting me in the morning even when I don't text her. I thought it should maybe begin like that, for she did mention something like this. Guess what? No. She did not text at all. Since this day has begun, she has not texted at all.

I thought that perhaps when she said she would do something about it, I really thought that for once she would. But I guess I was sorely expecting nothing, because so far, there isn't anything from her. As usual it is just the silence, the not bothering to contact, whatever it may be.

I am not so much pissed as baffled. If she didn't plan on doing this at all, then why spout a shitload of stuff to me last night?

I don't know, and maybe I don't want to know. There could be plenty of reasons for why she isn't doing anything, and I am giving her chances and making excuses for her, because knowing her, there could really be plenty of reasons why she isn't doing this.

So, for now, I am not pissed, nor really that upset, I am just taking my chances, giving myself a break, giving her a break, and thinking that perhaps she really does have a legitimate reason why she isn't doing anything.

We'll see.