celebrating you with you

It is baby's birthday today.

Happy Birthday, my baby!

I am planning a surprise for her, and I fervently hope and pray and wish and believe with all my might that she will be here tonight, so that the surprise can go on as planned. She will be here, she will be here, she will be here..

She has to be here because if she isn't here, I think I would not only be so heart broken, I would probably go crazy trying not to be sad. Because sleeping alone on my last night here is anot a particularly pleasant thing to do, when I could have her here with me. She has to be here, because if she isn't here, all my efforts and plans would have gone to waste.

Planning and preparing this surprise for her is bittersweet in a way, because it makes me so outrageously happy that I am doing this for her and hopefully she will love it as much as I do too. But preparing it also makes me think about us and the time we have spent together, which then makes it that much sadder, only because I am leaving to go home tomorrow.

This morning I woke up with a mixture of feelings. I was happy, but I was sad too. I was looking forward to today, but I was trying to push it away too. Happy, because it is my baby's birthday and I was gonna begin preparing her surprise for her right away, since it would take almost the whole day. But I was sad, because today meant that I have one day more with her before I have to go home. Looking forward to today because I believe with all my might and wish and hope that I will see her today, and we will sleep together before I go home. Pushing it away because, well, obviously, I am not gonna be seeing her for a few months after I leave tomorrow. So it really is a multitude of emotions, ain't it.

Anyway, I am preparing her surprise, and I hope she loves it. I just want her to have something she will remember until the next time I see her again. I want her birthday to be as grand, as happy, and as memorable as she is. I want her birthday to be the happiest this year, because it is with her that I am happy; she makes me happy. So it is a day worth celebrating, for I am celebrating her, with her, and celebrating how happy she makes me.

One more day till I go home, and I refuse to think about it. Well, as much as I claim to refuse to think about it, it just keeps popping up in my mind. Make it go away...

Happy Birthday, my beautiful lovely baby.
You make me a very happy woman.
You are the woman beyond my dreams.