it is time

I don't want to.

Gosh.. I really don't want to.

It has come the time to leave to go home, but I don't want. I really don't want to. I am still refusing to believe it. Some part of me is refusing to believe it, some part of me is rejecting this, but the other parts of me know that it is time for me to go home.

I don't want to.. oh gosh I really don't want to. Thinking about all our dates, thinking about all the time we spent together, thinking about the many nights sleeping beside each other, loving each other, talking, holding hands, laughing with each other.. god I really don't want to go home.

My emotions are unbalanced, and I feel as if I might not be able to cope with it. I feel as if I might break down when I reach the airport. In the 4 times I have been here, I have never broken down in the airport. This time, I don't know.

For the past few days I have been breaking down intermittently, crying, tearing at the weirdest times. Just thinking about her, the things we have done together.. I don't know.

I will be back -- I know I will be back. I just don't know when. It is tougher now when I go home, because everything is different at home, a lot of things have changed, I am no longer in school. But I will be back. I know I will be back.

Last night I thought about how it would be like when I reached home. And I got so sick and tired of it all. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to my parents. But I just like my independence and my freedom. I don't want to go home to live with my family. I want to go home to live with myself, live with friends, housemates, and visit my family every weekend. But not living with my family. It makes me sick and tired -- what goes on around the house, the endless naggings and favouritism and what-nots. I got so sick of it all that last night I wanted to hide and not go home.

I don't want to go home.
I don't want to leave her.
I just want to be with her.
God.. I really just want to be with her..

She makes me so happy...

I really don't want to...