to simply put into words

I am just going to sit here and wait.

Wait for her to do something. Anything. Just something.

I accept who she is, how she is like. But to not bother, and not care, to this extent, even after we have been together for so long? Where is the moderation? Where is the sudden realisation?

After so long?

I haven't said much on this in some time now. I make excuses for her, I let it go because I think that it is her thesis year, I make it okay for her because I don't want it to bother her. But some of these excuses that I make are not even valid, and I don't even know until she decides that I should know. So it makes me seem like a fool. But still I keep it to myself, and I don't say much about this.

What is hidden does not mean it is not there.

I am just going to sit here and wait.

I am going to let her do whatever she wants. If she thinks I am picking a fight out of nothing at all, and if she thinks that I am being absurd, then fine. I will just let it go and take it like the fool. I am not going to tell her what she should do. I am not going to tell her anything.

She can do whatever she wants. She can choose not to bother, not to care. Whatever she likes.

I will just sit here and wait.

The words. The promises. Fixing things, bothering, caring. I love her that much to take it all and let it go.

But now, now I guess perhaps I should just stop doing everything. Just sit and wait.

And when she is done with her thesis, when she has had all the fun, when she has finished exploring the greener grass, maybe then she will come to realise what could have been.

Maybe then she will come to realise what she might have lost.

As for the rest... well, we'll see.

I don't want my heart broken again. I can't have it broken again.