contemplating the future
mood: contemplative
music: Can't Fight The Moonlight - LeeAnn Rimes
i met up with an old friend yesterday. it was great fun, just sitting around and spouting nonsense. she has a girlfriend now. isn't tt sweet. im happy for them. but when i heard about it, i was jealous. not jealous because she is in a relationship, more that im jealous cos some people just seem to find relationships so easily, get into one so easily, and i can't. i can't even find the right one. i always seem to fall in love with the wrong ones. the straight ones. maybe because i hang around the straight ones, hence this result. nevertheless, i just don't get it. so many people get into relationships so easily, so why can't i? i can't seem to find the one i like. in any case most of the people i know are straight. it sucks. truly.
and all i ever, ever, really want is just to find the girl that i can love, who will love me, and that we will be happy together. only that. yet i can't seem to find it. maybe its because where i come from, its so small and closely-knit that you have to be careful about what you say. well. is that sad or what.
i wish that i could find the girl i love. the one i want. but because the social circle i revovle in don't really consist of any not-straight people, i can't. besides, i am a passive person. i don't go after them. i admire, like them from afar, but i will not go up. because i know they are all mostly straight. and anw, saying that im not straight would effectively cause me a hell lot of stares and whispers. damn. damn it. damn everything. why can't i just find the one i love? and i can't even tell anyone, because i cant. because i will be condemned. because i don't wanna hurt the people i love. because. so many of them. too many. where, when can i find the girl of my dreams?
thought if the day: no where to look, no place to go, no one to love?
music: Can't Fight The Moonlight - LeeAnn Rimes
i met up with an old friend yesterday. it was great fun, just sitting around and spouting nonsense. she has a girlfriend now. isn't tt sweet. im happy for them. but when i heard about it, i was jealous. not jealous because she is in a relationship, more that im jealous cos some people just seem to find relationships so easily, get into one so easily, and i can't. i can't even find the right one. i always seem to fall in love with the wrong ones. the straight ones. maybe because i hang around the straight ones, hence this result. nevertheless, i just don't get it. so many people get into relationships so easily, so why can't i? i can't seem to find the one i like. in any case most of the people i know are straight. it sucks. truly.
and all i ever, ever, really want is just to find the girl that i can love, who will love me, and that we will be happy together. only that. yet i can't seem to find it. maybe its because where i come from, its so small and closely-knit that you have to be careful about what you say. well. is that sad or what.
i wish that i could find the girl i love. the one i want. but because the social circle i revovle in don't really consist of any not-straight people, i can't. besides, i am a passive person. i don't go after them. i admire, like them from afar, but i will not go up. because i know they are all mostly straight. and anw, saying that im not straight would effectively cause me a hell lot of stares and whispers. damn. damn it. damn everything. why can't i just find the one i love? and i can't even tell anyone, because i cant. because i will be condemned. because i don't wanna hurt the people i love. because. so many of them. too many. where, when can i find the girl of my dreams?
thought if the day: no where to look, no place to go, no one to love?
posted by slantedvision at 3:09 AM
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