is it me?

I'm a natural born thinker, i always think.

But is it really just me, or is it that when every small change accumulates together, it affects me greatly?

Suddenly it feels like i'm being relegated to third place. One small change taken alone is alright, i can accept that. But everything comes together at once, and i have things that i did not say being said back to me. I accept and adapt to a lot of things fairly quickly, and i have to say i think im doing quite well in this case. But sometimes, things suddenly get thrown at you again, and everything starts to accumulate even more, and that's when i start to think.

So it really isn't that i think too much or that i'm unreasonable. Sometimes, it is the actions that are done, or the words that are unknowingly or knowingly said. Although you might think differently, but your actions say a different thing from what u think. When you keep telling me u need your space although i have been giving u so much recently, when u tell me u dun want to spend an impt day with me, when u tell me it isn't nice ging out with me because im unhappy, it makes me think u'd much rather not be with me. and when i look at your actions, i start to think if i'm really unwanted and not needed, or rather, a bother.

Did you think that i like feeling this way or thinking so much? Did you think that i like to feel unwanted, unneeded, a bother, or just being invisible or not very loved? It's just that what happened had a very very deep impact on me. It was so deep that its frightening even to me, to see if there will be scars under it all. I wasn't ever trying to rake up anything, i just wanted you to know that what happened affected me a hell lot.

I wish all my doubts and insecurities would go away too. I don't want it to stress you out, which is why i will deal with it on my own. It will be better, so much better at the end of it all, only because i have the determination to see it through.

I know that you are doing a lot to make it go away. I know you need time for me to see that i have no cause to be insecure. And i also know that you love me a lot, because i can see all that you're doing for me, taking away my little bits of insecurities and replacing them with love. I appreciate all that you've done and are doing, because i know you have as much faith and determination as i have to see us go through everything.

And i also know, that you love me as much as i love you. And our love for each other trespasses uncharted territory, is ineffable, and endless, and can never be put into words.

Because of all these, i will take away my insecurities as quickly as i can. Because i know we will still have many more months, many more years, to be together and share our story of love.