work is so not me

This time last year, I wrote an entry about the types of jobs or professions that I would never be in. It was a mix of frustrated professions and jobs that I could and would not take on.

This time, this year, this topic comes back to me again. Mainly because I have graduated, and I am going to need to look for a job when I go back home.

So,After careful consideration, these are the 5 professions that I cannot and will not be in:

1) As stated before, Professional Bikini Waxer (if that is what the occupation is called)

The reason behind this is simple enough. I accompanied my friend for her bikini wax appointment sometime ago. The lady who always does the whatever waxing thing for my friend happened to see the very nice me, accompanying my friend for her appointment. Anyway, after it was done, my friend told me that the lady asked if I was lesbian. Now, to me it wasn’t obvious, because I am not the butch type nor the androgynous type. So I had no idea it was obvious. Anyhow, she told my friend that one of the criteria for being a Bikini Waxer is that one could not be lesbian. So duh, obviously, I cannot be a Professional Bikini Waxer. (I don’t think I want to be one either, because perhaps after seeing too many vaginas, I wouldn’t wanna have sex with my girl anymore. Now, that would be serious.)

2) Professional Tennis Player

I say this because I was just watching the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix on Eurosports Channel, and my bee pointed out that the winner takes home a red Porsche. That got me thinking – perhaps I should be a Professional Tennis Player. But obviously, that wouldn’t work either, because I suck at tennis, and I can never imagine myself in those short tennis skirts and whatever. Besides, I play rough at sports. I used to intentionally bump my opponents or make them trip when I played netball for my school. So I don’t do too well with a tennis racquet and a ball. I would probably hit the ball out of line or worse still, throw my tennis racquet at my opponent.

3) Professional Ball Picker

I don’t know if there is such a profession, but I thought of this profession because of the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix. (See how much one sports event on TV has such a profound effect on me?!?) So, I was having a conversation with myself because my girl was busy doing her thesis. I spoke to myself of being a professional tennis player, then I spoke to myself of being a professional ball picker, after watching how those people standing right at the edge of the tennis court would always run to pick those wayward tennis balls that got out of line. Anyway, bee overhead me and started laughing because of I-don’t-know-what. Anyhow, after much consideration, I don’t think I could ever be a Professional Ball Picker, because after awhile, I would probably get lazy to run after those balls. Besides, it is kinda monotonous and I would probably start seeing yellow balls everywhere. Of course, I wouldn’t want to suffer a permanent backache from all that crouching either.

4) Pest Control Employee

I think that is what the pest control people are called, yes? I don’t know, but I definitely would never, and I am very adamant about that, never ever want to be a Pest Control Employee. Why? I thought it would be easy to guess. I hate black flying cockroaches. I really do not like black flying cockroaches. In addition to that, I get goosebumps and my heart starts pounding really fast when, at night, I hear the sound of something flying and hitting the ceiling lights or whatever. Then I will start ducking and looking around in terror. (Most of the time, however, it is just my own imagination. There aren’t any flying insects, its just my flying imagination hearing something and thinking it is something else.) I do not like flying insects, big or small. I cannot stand the sound they make when their wings flutter and they fly. Besides, the moment I see an ant nest or a colony of ants, I get serious goosebumps and it makes me feel weird all over. Actually, the minute I see a colony of anything, I run. I am okay with rats and mice, I think, but I have a feeling my girl will not appreciate me coming home after work with rat poo or like a mouse tail stuck somewhere on me. She hates rats.

5) Frustrated Rockstar

I am a frustrated rockstar. This is what my girl and her friends have decided, after a conversation on frustrated professions. Now, I guess I dress kinda rockstar-ish. I don’t know. I have no idea. But I like rock, and I like to rock. If that makes sense. So anyway, I guess I am a frustrated rockstar. But well, I do think that if I were to hold a concert, my only fans would be the ones that I don’t like the most – the insects that inhabit the concert stadium or the open field. Oh, and of course, my girlfriend. Seeing as I would probably only have 1 fan (and she probably would only be my fan because she loves me and loves making love to me), I guess this profession wouldn’t work out. Not to mention that when I start singing like a rockstar, I tend to either frighten someone or make my girl burst out in laughter. So, you know, I am a realistic person. I guess a rockstar just won’t do. I shall just continue dreaming about being a Frustrated Rockstar.

What about you?