with you, my heart

I left my heart there when I got on the plane and flew back here today.

I don't know why I dislike coming back to this house so much. Perhaps it is the lack of freedom, the lack of independence. Basically the lack to do whatever I want at whatever time I want, without those irritating members of my family around me. I don't like to be around the annoying ones, because I love my own space and independence and privacy.

But I think the one and only reason why I feel like I left my heart there, is because she is there, and I am here.

It is always this way -- I am so happy going there, and I get so excited the few days before I fly there. And when I am there, I am insanely, wholesomely, madly, crazily, wholly happy with her. Then when it is time to fly back, my mood sinks. I get grumpy, and it always takes me a week before my mood gets better. In other words, in the week immediately after I return from being with her, I always, always have to have more than necessary alone time with myself, because my mood is dangerously low at that time.

See, the thing is, when I'm with her, I get so happy. The happiness is the kind of happiness that I don't ever get here where I am. The happiness is the kind of happiness that transcends all other happiness that I get -- the joy of buying something new, the joy of getting a job, none of this beats the happiness of just being with her. I know I've written about this before in my previous post, but this kind of happiness is really a different kind of happiness.

And it isn't just about happiness too.

It's like my woman has this profound effect on me. It isn't just the happiness that she brings to me. It's also quite like I become superhuman. I survive on just 3 hours of sleep, when usually, sleeping for just 3 hours and waking early would make me feel sick. But when I am with her, I become superhuman. I can survive on little sleep and not feel sick. I can walk for ages and get super tired but am still so willing to walk with her. I am willing to spend all my money on her to make her happy, and never ever worry about eating air or grass because with her, it is everything.

She makes me feel superhuman.

When I am with her and I laugh, I laugh right from the bottom of my heart, right from my stomach, right from where the laughter comes out from. It is the deepest, sincerest, most fulfilling and satisfying kind of laugh. It is not like when I laugh with other people. With others, laughing is also sincere, but not quite as satisfying as her.

Last night, I told her truthfully, that I am glad she is the way she is. She makes me realise that being too practical, too realistic, and too serious would just bring me down. She makes me laugh, she makes me laugh with her. When we laugh together, the love I feel for her just deepens.

We may fight, but my love for her overpowers everything else.

When I left today, I could still smell her scent on my shirt, on me. I could still hear her voice, picture her face in my mind, feel her hugs and kisses. When I fell asleep on the plane, I dreamt of her. When I returned back to this house where I am so unhappy at, I cried while in the shower because my heart hurt, just missing her so much.

We never did drift apart, we never did grow further apart. Just being with her makes me realise that we never did drift apart, even if I didn't see her for 2 months, even if I've been distracted by work. The amount of love is the same, and even more than before.

We now know what we want. We now know that we want each other. And we now know that our love can overpower and transcend everything and anything.

I went there this time, to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. And I must say, we can never stop loving each other, for the love that we have? It is so strong that with each other, we both feel like anything is possible.

I miss her. I miss her so much. Her scent, her kisses, her hugs, her voice, her smile, her face, the way she knows how to just be cute to make me calm down and not get pissed with her. I miss everything about her.

She has my heart. She keeps the key to my heart. She is my heart.

That is why I feel like I left my heart when I flew back here today.
Because I left my heart with her.
Because she is my heart.

I love you baby, and I'll be seeing you real soon.