Heart's secret letter

To: The one who holds me,

I know you don’t know who I am yet, but trust in me when I write this to you, and you will know who I am by the end of this letter.

Each time I look at you, I feel incredibly lucky.

I don’t know if this is how you feel, but this is how I feel. Maybe I don’t thank you enough everyday. Maybe I don’t make you feel lucky enough everyday. Maybe I don’t tell you that I love you everyday.

I have spent 2 whole months living with you. Except for the weekends, when you go home to sleep, I live with you everyday. I fall asleep to the sound of your breathing, I wake up to your tossing and turning every morning, when you refuse to wake up because you still want to sleep in. I have spent almost everyday with you. Not just meeting you for short periods of time, not just meeting you for lunch or dinner and a movie, but actually spending everyday with you – leaving the house with you, coming home with you, having breakfast, lunch and dinner with you, watching you work while I laze around. I am actually having a life with you, and it is simply amazing.

Trust me when I tell you this – even the simplest action, like locking the door before I leave the condo with you, melts me. It makes me think of happy endings, it makes me think of a future together, it makes me think of being with you, making a home with you in future.

Each time I look at you, I feel so incredibly lucky.

When you leave the house to go for your classes, I even feel the slightest tinge of loneliness. It is almost as if just being away from you for a few hours is unbearable now, because I have gotten so used to being around you. When I know you are ending class and coming home to me, I start to beat faster, I start to feel energetic. When the doorbell rings, sometimes I stop, because I know you are coming home to me.

Even though we fight about the silliest things ever, even though at times I get so mad I feel like I’m about to burst, I can never hurt you, I can never bear to see you so hurt and so sad. You could make me so mad, yet I can never bring myself to say anything that can really hurt you, because I cannot bear to hurt you.

I don’t know if you can feel me, and I don’t know if I am completely yours. I don’t know if you feel the way I do. I don’t know if that part of you stops and beats faster when it comes to me. I don’t know all of these, but it feels like I know everything about you.

I don’t know how I am going to be able to take it when, come the end of the month, I leave to go back to where I live. I don’t know if I am going to break, I don’t know if I am going to hurt. I don’t know if I am going to start beating slower and less energetic because you aren’t around. I know I am going to feel the soreness, and I know I am going to cry. But I guess when it comes down to things, I know I am strong enough to carry on loving you, because when it comes to loving you, there is no one and nothing stronger and more loving than me.

Each time I look at you, I feel incredibly lucky.

I may not say this often enough, but I thank you for having such a big heart. I may not be as big as you, I may take longer to forgive, I may hold a grudge for a longer period of time, but you never fail to let go of any fights and arguments we have almost immediately. You have such a big heart, you forgive me almost immediately. You don’t even get mad at the things I get mad at.

So if there is anything, I just want to thank you for having such a big heart. I just want to thank you for learning to love, and for loving me completely. There are so many things I could thank you for, but I believe that just by thanking you for being brave and loving me is more than enough.

There is just one thing that I don’t think I will otherwise tell you, if I don’t write it here:

I will always continue beating for you. I will always hold you in me. You hold the key to me, and if there is one thing you should know, just always be certain that I am for you. As long as I continue beating, I will always love you.

Loving you forever,
The heart of this writer.